jobless once again, FTW!

Because
Regret
Is
Always
Near &
Never
Ending

im just wondering to myself (because no one reads this) if theres really a point in reaching out to people when you know that all their going to do is slap your hand away

one day i decided to leave my comfort zone and take a leap of faith. it just so happens that i landed at your feet. i feel like every time i reach up for your hand so you can help me up that you only do it so you can kick my feet out from underneath me.

I don't really know what's wrong with me at this moment. I just got the single most horrible feeling ever. Emptiness is the only way to describe it I think. It hit me right in the pit of my stomach and lingered there. I thought alot about what I want to do with my life today, that could have something to do with this nauseous feeling. I feel like I'm a burden on everyone's life. There's only one person I really want to talk to but she doesn't give a fuck about me. That might have something to do with it as well. Blindsided would be the word for that situation, but I guess alot of what's going on there is my fault. I want this thing out of me, but I don't know how to rid myself of it. I want to ask for help but I'm realistic, I know that expressing my problems won't solve anything because no one will want to help. I'll just feel like more of a burden. I've never wanted something I couldn't pinpoint more in my entire life. I know that doesn't really make sense, so I'll try to explain: The emptiness, I want it to be filled, but I'm not sure of what will do it. I just want whatever that thing is more than my lungs want to take their next breath and I don't know how much longer I can go on without it

so can anyone tell me when "snakes on a plane" went from being the biggest joke in the film industry to being the most anticipated movie of the year?

i mean come on

they should never have given that nigga money

so my life is pretty much over
the y didnt bring me back for the upcoming school year
i cried
i put so much into having that job, and now i don't
i dont know what i'm going to do
i came home and cried to my mother
i seriously dont know where to go from here
god doesn't shut a door without opening a window, right?

but no one is ever here for me

i just want real friends
who call for reasons other than to have me do drugs with them

friends that call when they havent heard from me in a few days to make sure im still alive

friends that i can share a good time with doing whatever from driving around, to going to a park

please, there have to be good and honest people in 210

someone spend some time with me, i promise you wont regret it

i dont want to lose faith in mankind
someone, anyone give me a reason to believe

this goes out to the 4 lj friends i have, laaaaame is my life really that boring?

so i decided that im going to rip the backseat out of my car
to give it the look and feel and of a real street car
that and lighter cars do go faster
its not a big deal anyways seeing as how the seatbelts didnt work back there
and as an added bonus, i'll be able to hear the exhaust rumble more and the badass sound that going to pour from my 10" and 12" inch subs which have yet to be installed





who's in the mood for a ride?

shit here at home is getting out of control
turns out that i'm a burden on my family
and my dad told me he thinks im worthless
despite the fact that i am enrolled in college
and have a steady job in which i do great things for the kids i work with
shit, my life is way more on track than his was at my age

i just lectured by a man who most likely won't remember this tomorrow due to his 30+ year weed habit

i never thought id feel this way again
but i do
and i dont know what to do
fuuuuck
why must i be sooo stupid sometimes
i cant handle this
i dont want to get hurt
or hurt anyone else


obscure yes, but . . . i dont know where i was going with that

oh by the way
jamie if you read this
i tried to call you
i think im ready to be your friend again

straight up sodomized




even pop gave up when he cleared the bench





go spurs go
laaaaaaame

im all about catching up with old friends
like teresa
she exploded back into my life with a vengence
and i couldnt be happier
but val
cyber sex when i have talked to you in ages
is out of the question

unnnncomfortable

wtf ginobili???
shit! we had the fucking win
where did you learn to make passes directly in front of the other team
goddd i'm soo mad i cant see straight





so much for the sweep

something near and dear to my heart just passed away
being opitimistic is the worst thing you can be when you know that youre fighting a losing battle
i dont know how things will ever be the same
i thought i could always fall back on it
and now its gone
and my world is in shambles

i really like it when people who say that they want to hang out with you but never do
i like it when people say that they'll call right back and they dont
i like it when i talk to people on aim and they tell me to "hol up" and they forget i exist
i really like feeling abandoned
i like how fake people are
i like it when i can do so much for some one and i get nothing in return
i really like it when i call some one that i havent talked to in ages just to have them have somebody else answer their phone and be petty and pathetic

i love how much of my life revolves the internet

i dont need new friends
i dont need people who actually give a shit
i dont need a change of scenery


i fucking hate/loath/dispise sarcasm

oh and im a walking contradiction

i feel so lonely i could vomit
if that makes any sense

i hope you know that this time i wont break
im not going to give in and call you because i didnt do anything wrong
you owe me an appology
and this time im not going to pretend that you treating me like shit is my fault




im waiting . . .

so my support for stephen colbert and the hilarious cobert report is waining
he has made two grevious errors
1: he offered this solution to immigration problem, " let's get going on the fence congress ( theres a bill in the senate right now which proposes building a seven foot fence around the mexican-american borders ) or better yet let's put in an invisible fence and slap shock collars on all the mexicans

i mean theres funny and then theres crossing the line


2: his conservatism blinds his judgement, he supports the war and everything our c+ president does
i guess this isn't that big a deal, merely a conflict of ideals, but still
being a liberal democrat as i am, it just really erked me

the subject says it all
i finally had the dream in which i murdered someone.
i woke up wanting to vomit all over myself, and nearly did.
it was so graphic, so realistic.
i feel like such a horrible person.
i never want to sleep again, ever.
the worst thing was that in the dream my parents were awake when i came home, they asked me if anything was wrong and i told them no, and i noticed that they were both staring down at my shoes and they were drenched in blood. they knew what i had done and the look on my mothers face was so heartbreaking.
the last thing that happened in the dream was me falling asleep which i think is the creepiest part because i awoke with the dream so fresh in my mind.
this is definately the last time i eat mr. gatti's before i go to sleep